Ariela, once again, you’re a great review writer!!!! The only thing i have to say about your second draft is that i had a little bit of trouble determining what ti was you were reviewing in the first few paragraphs. At first, i thought it was that movie with denzel, and then Jay-z is referred to as another name. I understand that there are the factors of the album, BUT i want you to clarify it a little bit more in your writing. If you’d like, spoon feed it into the writing, and later, we’ll make it sound more complex in our editing process. It’s easier for us to build something than to have to break it down and THEN build it. get me? let me know if you have any questions.
“This website is to be utilized solely for the purposes of Mr. Weiss' Journalism class, in strict accordance with the rules and policies set out in the Miami Dade County Public Schools student handbook. All participants in this website understand that its content is visible to the public, and pledge to uphold the highest journalistic, academic and community standards. Any posts or comments that deviate from course content, or that contain vulgar or offensive language, will be promptly deleted. The authors of such posts will be subject to disciplinary action by Mr. Weiss and the school.”
- Ariela Zuniga.
1 response so far ↓
alexco09 // November 21, 2007 at 12:05 am
Ariela, once again, you’re a great review writer!!!! The only thing i have to say about your second draft is that i had a little bit of trouble determining what ti was you were reviewing in the first few paragraphs. At first, i thought it was that movie with denzel, and then Jay-z is referred to as another name. I understand that there are the factors of the album, BUT i want you to clarify it a little bit more in your writing. If you’d like, spoon feed it into the writing, and later, we’ll make it sound more complex in our editing process. It’s easier for us to build something than to have to break it down and THEN build it. get me? let me know if you have any questions.
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